15

Yet sometimes in the midst of these dreams, I should come a little to myself, so far as to feel I wanted something, secretly to expostulate with God for not giving me riches, to long after an unknown happiness, to grieve that the World was so empty, and to be dissatisfied with my present state because it was vain and forlorn. I had heard of Angels, and much admired that here upon earth nothing should be but dirt and streets and gutters; for as for the pleasures that were in great men’s houses I had not seen them: and it was my real happiness they were unknown. For because nothing deluded me, I was the more inquisitive.

16

Once I remember (I think I was about 4 year old when) I thus reasoned with myself, sitting in a little obscure room in my father’s poor house: If there be a God, certainly He must be infinite in Goodness: and that I was prompted to, by a real whispering instinct of Nature. And if He be infinite in Goodness, and a perfect Being in Wisdom and Love, certainly He must do most glorious things, and give us infinite riches; how comes it to pass therefore that I am so poor? Of so scanty and narrow a fortune, enjoying few and obscure comforts? I thought I could not believe Him a God to me, unless all His power were employed to glorify me. I knew not then my Soul, or Body; nor did I think of the Heavens and the Earth, the rivers and the stars, the sun or the seas: all those were lost, and absent from me. But when I found them made out of nothing for me, then I had a God indeed, whom I could praise, and rejoice in.

17

Sometimes I should be alone, and without employment, when suddenly my Soul would return to itself, and forgetting all things in the whole world which mine eyes had seen, would be carried away to the ends of the earth: and my thoughts would be deeply engaged with enquiries: How the Earth did end? Whether walls did bound it, or sudden precipices? Or whether the Heavens by degrees did come to touch it; so that the face of the Earth and Heaven were so near, that a man with difficulty could creep under? Whatever I could imagine was inconvenient, and my reason being posed was quickly wearied. What also upheld the Earth (because it was heavy) and kept it from falling; whether pillars, or dark waters? And if any of these, what then upheld those, and what again those, of which I saw there would be no end? Little did I think that the Earth was round, and the world so full of beauty, light, and wisdom. When I saw that, I knew by the perfection of the work there was a God, and was satisfied, and rejoiced. People underneath, and fields and flowers, with another sun and another day, pleased me mightily: but more when I knew it was the same sun that served them by night, that served us by day.

18

Sometimes I should soar above the stars, and enquire how the Heavens ended, and what was beyond them? Concerning which by no means could I receive satisfaction. Sometimes my thoughts would carry me to the Creation, for I had heard now, that the World which at first I thought was eternal, had a beginning: how therefore that beginning was, and why it was, why it was no sooner, and what was before, I mightily desired to know. By all which I easily perceive that my Soul was made to live in communion with God, in all places of His dominion, and to be satisfied with the highest reason in all things, After which it so eagerly aspired, that I thought all the gold and silver in the world but dirt, in comparison of satisfaction in any of these. Sometimes I wondered why men were made no bigger? I would have had a man as big as a giant, a giant as big as a castle, and a castle as big as the Heavens. Which yet would not serve: for there was infinite space beyond the Heavens, and all was defective and but little in comparison; and for him to be made infinite, I thought it would be to no purpose, and it would be inconvenient. Why also there was not a better sun, and better stars, a better sea, and better creatures I much admired. Which thoughts produced that poem upon moderation, which afterwards was written. Some part of the verses are these,

19

In making bodies Love could not express Itself, or art, unless it made them less. O what a monster had in man been seen, Had every thumb or toe a mountain been! What worlds must he devour when he did eat? What oceans drink! yet could not all his meat, Or stature, make him like an angel shine; Or make his Soul in Glory more Divine. A Soul it is that makes us truly great, Whose little bodies make us more complete. An understanding that is infinite, An endless, wide, and everlasting sight, That can enjoy all things and nought exclude, Is the most sacred greatness may be viewed. ’Twas inconvenient that his bulk should be An endless hill; he nothing then could see: No figure have, no motion, beauty, place, No colour, feature, member, light, or grace. A body like a mountain is but cumber. An endless body is but idle lumber: It spoils converse, and time itself devours, While meat in vain, in feeding idle powers; Excessive bulk being most injurious found, To those conveniences which men have crowned: His wisdom did His power here repress, God made man greater while He made him less.

20

The excellencies of the Sun I found to be of another kind than that splendour after which I sought, even in unknown and invisible services: and that God by moderation wisely bounding His almighty power, had to my eternal amazement and wonder, made all bodies far greater than if they were infinite: there not being a sand nor mote in the air that is not more excellent than if it were infinite. How rich and admirable then is the Kingdom of God, where the smallest is greater than an infinite treasure! Is not this incredible? Certainly to the placets and doctrines of the schools: Till we all consider, That infinite worth shut up in the limits of a material being, is the only way to a real infinity. God made nothing infinite in bulk, but everything there where it ought to be. Which, because moderation is a virtue observing the golden mean, in some other parts of the former poem, is thus expressed.

21

His Power bounded, greater is in might, Than if let loose, twere wholly infinite. He could have made an endless sea by this, But then it had not been a sea of bliss. Did waters from the centre to the skies Ascend, ’twould drown whatever else we prize. The ocean bounded in a finite shore, Is better far because it is no more. No use nor glory would in that be seen, His power made it endless in esteem. Had not the Sun been bounded in its sphere, Did all the world in one fair flame appear, And were that flame a real Infinite ’Twould yield no profit, splendor, nor delight. Its corps confined, and beams extended be Effects of Wisdom in the Deity. One star made infinite would all exclude, An earth made infinite could ne’er be viewed: But one being fashioned for the other’s sake, He, bounding all, did all most useful make And which is best, in profit and delight Tho’ not in bulk, they all are infinite.

22

These liquid, clear satisfactions were the emanations of the highest reason, but not achieved till a long time afterwards. In the meantime I was sometimes, though seldom, visited and inspired with new and more vigorous desires after that bliss which Nature whispered and suggested to me. Every new thing quickened my curiosity, and raised my expectation. I remember once the first time I came into a magnificent or noble dining room, and was left there alone, I rejoiced to see the gold and state and carved imagery, but when all was dead, and there was no motion, I was weary of it, and departed dissatisfied. But afterwards, when I saw it full of lords and ladies, and music and dancing, the place which once seemed not to differ from a solitary den, had now entertainment, and nothing of tediousness but pleasure in it. By which I perceived (upon a reflection made long after) that men and women are when well understood a principal part of our true felicity. By this I found also that nothing that stood still, could by doing so be a part of Happiness: and that affection, though it were invisible, was the best of motions. But the august and glorious exercise of virtue, was more solemn and divine, which Yet I saw not. And that all Men and Angels should appear in heaven.