The Anatomy of Melancholy

I made him fry in his own grease, With anger and sheer jealousy.

Of the two extremes, harsh treatment is the worse. It is a great fault—for some men are “enslaved to their wives”—to be excessively fond of them, to dote on them as Signor Deliro does on his Fallace, to be too effeminate, or, as some do, to suffer sickness for their wives, carry children for them, and, like the Tiberini, take to childbed for them. As some birds take turns incubating eggs, these men perform all women’s duties.

Caelius Rhodiginus, in Ancient Readings, book 6, chapter 24, mentions a man from Seneca who was so besotted with his wife that he could not bear a moment away from her. When he went out he wore her scarf next to his heart, and he would never drink except from a cup she had drunk from first.

We have many such doting fools who are their wives’ packhorses and slaves—“for a wife who masters her husband is a grievous evil,” as the comic poet puts it; no misery is greater for a man than allowing his wife to rule him. They carry her muff, dog and fan, let her wear the breeches, buy, spend and do whatever she pleases, go and come wherever and whenever she likes: they consent to it all.

Here, take my muff—and listen, husband: Now give me pearls, and carry my fan, and so on.

She demands a mantle, ribbons, earrings; Run! Why are you lingering here? She wants to be seen in public; Go and fetch a litter.

Many brave and worthy men have erred in this way: “this domestic disgrace has ruined many who were distinguished abroad.” Many noble senators and soldiers, as Pliny observes, have lost their honour by being “enslaved to their wives,” so foolishly allowing themselves to be ruled by them. Hence Cato’s bitter joke in Plutarch about his fellow citizens, the Romans: “We govern the whole world abroad, and our wives rule us at home.”

These offend at one extreme; those who are too harsh and severe offend far more at the other. An equally valid cause may be either partner’s prolonged absence, when they must spend much time away from home—as lawyers, physicians and sailors must because of their professions—or when they make frivolous, unnecessary journeys, stay away a long time for no purpose, sleep elsewhere and are forever gadding about on slight excuses.

This must provide grounds for suspicion. When they meanwhile treat their wives unkindly and never stay at home, it cannot help generating some such thought.

If you are late, your wife thinks you are in love, Or loved by someone, or drinking, or indulging yourself, And that you alone are enjoying yourself while she fares badly.

If you are absent long, your wife then thinks You are drunk, at ease, or with some pretty minx; You are doing well, or someone loves you, While she, poor soul, fares very badly at home.