The Anatomy of Melancholy

By counsel and persuasion, the foulness of the deed, the faults of men and women, the miseries of marriage, the consequences of lust, and so forth

As there are various causes of this burning lust, or heroic love, so there are many good remedies to relieve and help it. Among them, good counsel and persuasion, which I should have discussed first, are of great importance and must not be omitted. Many believe that counsel can do no good in this blind, headstrong passion.

For a thing that has neither reason nor measure in itself You cannot govern by any counsel.

A thing with neither judgment nor a limit— How should advice or counsel put it right?

For what limit can there be to love?

Yet good counsel and advice must undoubtedly have great power, especially when they come from a wise, fatherly, venerable and prudent person, someone of authority whom the people concerned respect and stand in awe of, or from a friend of sound judgment. By itself, it can turn them aside and be sufficient.

The physician Gordonius gives it such weight that he insists it should be used first. “Let him be turned away from her by the counsel of a man he fears, who shows him the dangers of this world, the judgment of hell and the joys of Paradise.”

He would have prudent men dissuade them after the passion’s fury is somewhat spent or softened by absence. At first, giving counsel is as ill-timed as comforting parents at the very moment their children have died. It is useless to prescribe narcotics, cordials, nectar-like draughts, potions, Homer’s nepenthe or Helen’s bowl: “she will not stop beating her breast.” She will lament and howl for a time.

Let passion run its course for a while; then he may proceed by setting out the miserable consequences and dangers that will surely follow, the pains of hell, the joys of Paradise and the like, which their perverse conduct will make them forfeit or incur. This is a fitting method, a very good means. For what Seneca said of vice I say of love: “It is learned without a teacher, but scarcely abandoned without one.” It is learned by itself, but hardly left behind without a tutor.

It is therefore useful to have such a supervisor to reason with them and show them the absurdities, troubles, imperfections and discontents that usually follow. In their blindness, fury and madness they cannot apply these to themselves, or through weakness will not acknowledge them. It is good for them to disclose their feelings and listen to friendly warnings.

“Tell me, sweetheart,” says Tryphaena to the lovesick Charmides in Lucian, “what is troubling you. Perhaps I can ease your mind and help you in your courtship.” Undoubtedly she could, and so can you, if the patient is receptive to good advice and will at least hear what can be said.