The Anatomy of Melancholy

If promises, lies, oaths and protestations do not work, they turn to bribes, tokens, gifts and similar devices. “Much love is won by gold.” As Jupiter seduced Danae with a shower of gold, and Liber won Ariadne with a beautiful crown—which was afterwards raised into the heavens, where it shines for ever—so they will shower sequins, florins, crowns, angels, coins of every kind and stamp, into her lap.

And this, certainly, is what a man must do if he means to succeed: give many feasts and banquets, issue invitations, send her some present or other at every turn. “Let feasts be prepared with the greatest care,” says Haedus, “and gifts be frequent.” He must be most generous and liberal, paying court not only to her but to all her attendants, friends, intimates, fiddlers, panders, hangers-on and household servants. He must ingratiate himself—and certainly will—with everyone of every sort: messengers, porters and carriers. Nobody must go unrewarded or unacknowledged.

“I had a suitor,” says Aretino’s Lucretia, “who used to fling gold and silver about my house as if it were chaff. Another suitor of mine was a very hot-tempered fellow; but I managed him so well that, for all his blustering, I brought him to his knees. If there was a fine morsel in the market, any novelty, fish, fruit or fowl, muscatel or malmsey, or a cup of unmixed wine anywhere in the city, it was brought to me at once. However expensive or difficult to obtain, I had it. In the end the poor fellow was so infatuated that I believe I could have had one of his eyes out of his head if I had wanted it.”

“A third suitor was a Roman merchant, who courted me with exquisite music, costly banquets, poems and so on. I held him off until at last he protested, promised and swore ‘that he would give me a kingdom for my virginity’: I should have everything he owned, house, goods and lands, ‘merely for sleeping with him.’ No conjurer, I think, ever used such concentration or powerful words to charm his spirits as this man used exquisite phrases; nor did any general employ as many stratagems to capture a city as he used tricks and devices to win my love.”

Thus men both act upon others and are acted upon; and women are not far behind them in this respect: “A woman who loves or hates will dare anything.”

For no man can swear and lie Half as boldly as women can.

They will boast, counterfeit and flatter as well as anyone, with handkerchiefs, embroidered nightcaps, purses, posies and such trinkets, as the poet justly complained:

Why send me violets? Surely to make me burn more violently; Why, violent woman, do you violate me with your violets? And so on.

Why send me violets, my dear? To make me burn more fiercely, I fear; With violets you are too violent, Violating and wounding my tender heart.

When nothing else will do, their last resort is tears. “I wrote these words mingled with tears and sighs—I call Love to witness”: “Amid tears and sighs I write this, taking Love as my witness,” says Chelidonia to Philonius. “Eyes that just now were lightning bolts are now rivers of tears”: those blazing torches have now turned into floods of tears.