In his own grease I made him frie, For anger and for very Jealousie.

Of two extreames, this of hard usage is the worst. ’Tis a great fault (for some men are uxorii) to be too fond of their wives, to dote on them as Senior Deliro on his Fallace, to be too effeminate, or as some do, to be sick for their wives, breed children for them, and like the Tiberini lie in for them, as some birds hatch egges by turns, they do all womens offices:

Cælius Rhodiginus ant. lect. lib.6. cap.24. makes mention of a fellow out of Seneca, that was so besotted on his wife, he could not endure a moment out of her company, he wore her scarfe when he went abroad next his heart, and would never drink but in that cup she began first.

We have many such fondlings that are their wives packhorses and slaves, (nam grave malum uxor superans virum suum, as the Comical Poet hath it, there’s no greater misery to a man than to let his wife domineer) to carry her muffe, dog, and fan, let her wear the breeches, lay out, spend and do what she will, go and come, whither, when she will, they give consent.

Here take my muffe, and do you hear good man; Now give me pearl, and carry you my fan, &c.

——poscit pallam, redimicula, inaures; Curre, quid hic cessas? vulgo vult illa videri, Tu pete lecticas——

many brave and worthy men have trespassed in this kinde, multos foràs claros, domestica hæc destruxit infamia, and many noble Senators and souldiers (as Pliny notes) have lost their honour, in being uxorii, so sottishly overruled by their wives; and therefore Cato in Plutarch made a bitter jest on his fellow Citizens, the Romanes, we govern all the world abroad, and our wives at home rule us.

These offend in one extream; But too hard and too severe, are far more offensive on the other. As just a cause may be long absence of either party, when they must of necessity be much from home, as Lawyers, Physitians, Marriners, by their professions; or otherwise make frivolous, impertinent journeyes, tarry long abroad to no purpose, lie out, and are gadding still, upon small occasions,

it must needs yeeld matter of suspition, when they use their wives unkindly in the mean time, and never tarry at home, it cannot use but ingender some such conceit.

Uxor si cesses amare te cogitat Aut tete amari, aut potare, aut animo obsequi, Et tibi benè esse soli, quum sibi sit malè.

If thou be absent long, thy wife then thinks, Th’art drunk, at ease, or with some pretty minks, ’Tis well with thee, or else beloved of some, Whil’st she poor soul doth fare full ill at home.

Hippocrates the Physitian had a smack of this disease; for when he was to go from home as far as Abdera, and some other remote cities of Greece, he writ to his friend Dionysius (if at least those Epistles be his) to oversee his wife in his absence, (as Apollo set a Raven to watch his Coronis) although she lived in his house with her father and mother, whom he knew would have a care of her;

yet that would not satisfie his jealousie, he would have his speciall friend Dionysius to dwell in his house with her all the time of his peregrination, and to observe her behaviour, how she carried her self in her husbands absence, and that she did not lust after other men.

For a woman had need to have an overseer to keep her honest; they are bad by nature, and lightly given all, and if they be not curbed in time, as an unproined tree, they will be full of wild branches, and degenerate of a sudden.

Especially in their husbands absence: though one Lucretia were trusty, and one Penelope, yet Clytemnestra made Agamemnon cuckold; and no question there be too many of her conditions. If their husbands tarry too long abroad upon unnecessary business, well they may suspect: or if they run one way, their wives at home will flie out another, Quid pro quo.

Or if present, and give them not that content which they ought, Primum ingratæ, mox invisæ noctes quæ per somnum transiguntur, they cannot endure to lie alone, or to fast long.

Peter Godefridus in his second book of love, and sixt chapter, hath a story out of S. Anthonies life, of a Gentleman, who by that good mans advise, would not meddle with his wife in the passion week; but for his pains she set a pair of horns on his head.

Such another he hath out of Abstemius, one perswaded a new married man, to forbear the three first nights, and he should all his life time after be fortunate in cattle, but his impatient wife would not tarry so long: well he might speed in cattle, but not in children.

Such a tale hath Heinsius of an impotent and slack scholler, a meer student, and a friend of his, that seeing by chance a fine damsel sing and dance, would needs marry her, the match was soon made, for he was young and rich, genis gratus, corpore glabellus, arte multiscius, & fortuna opulentus, like that Apollo in Apuleius.

The first night, having liberally taken his liquor (as in that countrey they do) my fine scholler was so fuddled, that he no sooner was laid in bed, but he fell fast asleep, never waked till morning, and then much abashed, purpureis formosa rosis cum Aurora ruberet, when the fair morn with purple hew gan shine, he made an excuse, I know not what, out of Hippocrates Cous, &c. and for that time it went currant;

but when as afterward he did not play the man as he should do, she fell in league with a good fellow, and whilst he sate up late at his study about those Criticisms, mending some hard places in Festus or Pollux, came cold to bed, and would tell her still what he had done, she did not much regard what he said, &c.