Tap the page, move to the top or bottom edge, swipe down, or press Tab to reveal reading controls. Use the arrow keys or swipe sideways to turn pages.
They should not be too severe in that kinde, especially if there be no such urgent occasion, or grievous impediment. ’Tis good for a commonwealth. Plato holds, that in their contracts young men should never avoid the affinity of poor folks, or seek after rich. Poverty and base parentage may be sufficiently recompenced by many other good qualities, modesty, vertue, religion and choice bringing up,
I am poor, I confess; but am I therefore contemptible, and an abject? Love it self is naked, the Graces, the Stars, and Hercules clad in a Lions skin. Give something to vertue, love, wisdom, favour, beauty, person; be not all for mony.
Besides you must consider that Amor cogi non potest, Love cannot be compelled, they must affect as they may: Fatum est in partibus illis quas sinus abscondit; as the saying is, marriage and hanging goes by destiny, matches are made in heaven,
It lies not in our power to love or hate, For will in us is over-rul’d by fate.
A servant maid in Aristænetus loved her mistris Minion, which when her Dame perceived, furiosa æmulatione, in a jealous humour she dragg’d her about the house by the hair of the head, and vext her sore. The wench cryed out, O mistris, fortune hath made my body your servant, but not my soul! Affections are free, not to be commanded.
Moreover it may be to restrain their ambition, pride, and covetousness, to correct those hereditary diseases of a family, God in his just judgement assignes and permits such matches to be made. For I am of Plato and Bodines mind, that Families have their bounds and periods as well as kingdoms, beyond which for extent or continuance they shall not exceed, six or seven hundred yeers, as they there illustrate by a multitude of examples, and which Peucer and Melancthon approve,
but in a perpetuall tenor (as we see by many pedigrees of Knights, Gentlemen, Yeomen) continue as they began, for many descents with little alteration. Howsoever let them I say, give something to youth, to love; they must not think they can fancy whom they appoint;
Amor enim non imperatur, affectus liber si quis alius & vices exigens, this is a free passion, as Pliny said in a Panegyrick of his, and may not be forced: Love craves liking, as the saying is, it requires mutuall affections, a correspondency: invito non datur nec aufertur, it may not be learned, Ovid himself cannot teach us how to love, Solomon describe, Apelles paint, or Helena expresse it.
They must not therefore compell or intrude; quis enim (as Fabius urgeth) amare alieno animo potest? but consider withall the miseries of enforced marriages; take pitty upon youth: and such above the rest as have daughters to bestow, should be very carefull and provident to marry them in due time.
Syracides cap. 7. vers. 25. calls it a weighty matter to perform, so to marry a daughter to a man of understanding in due time: Virgines enim tempestivè locandæ, as Lemnius admonisheth, lib. 1. cap. 6. Virgins must be provided for in season, to prevent many diseases, of which Rodericus a Castro de morbis mulierum lib. 2. cap. 3. and Lod. Mercatus lib. 2. de mulier. affect. cap. 4. de melanch. virginum & viduarum, have both largely discoursed.
And therefore as well to avoid these ferall maladies, ’tis good to get them husbands betimes, as to prevent some other grosse inconveniences, and for a thing that I know besides; ubi nuptiarum tempus & ætas advenerit, as Chrysostome adviseth, let them not defer it; they perchance will marry themselves else, or do worse.
If Nevizanus the Lawyer do not impose, they may do it by right: for as he proves out of Curtius and some other Civilians, Sylva, nup. lib. 2. numer. 30. A maid past 25 yeers of age, against her parents consent may marry such a one as is unworthy of, and inferiour to her, and her father by law must be compelled to give her a competent dowry.
Mistake me not in the mean time, or think that I do Apologize here for any headstrong unruly wanton flurts. I do approve that of S. Ambrose (comment. in Genesis 24. 51.) which he hath written touching Rebecca’s spousals, A woman should give unto her parents the choice of her husband, lest she be reputed to be malapert and wanton, if she take upon her to make her own choice; for she should rather seem to be desired by a man, then to desire a man her self.
To those hard parents alone I retort that of Curtius, (in the behalf of modester maids) that are too remiss and careless of their due time and riper yeers. For if they tarry longer, to say truth, they are past date, and no body will respect them.
A woman with us in Italy (saith Aretines Lucretia) 24. yeers of age, is old already, past the best, of no account. An old fellow, as Lycistrata confesseth in Aristophanes, etsi sit canus, cito puellam virginem ducat uxorem, and ’tis no newes for an old fellow to marry a yong wench: but as he follows it, mulieris brevis occasio est, etsi hoc non apprehenderit, nemo vult ducere uxorem, expectans vero sedet; who cares for an old maid? she may set, &c.
A virgin, as the Poet holds, lasciva & petulans puella virgo, is like a flowre, a Rose withered on a sudden.
Quam modo nascentem rutilus conspexit Eous, Hanc rediens sero vespere vidit anum.
She that was erst a maid as fresh as May, Is now an old Crone, time so steals away.
Let them take time then while they may, make advantage of youth, and as he prescribes,
Collige virgo rosas dum flos novus & nova pubes, Et memor esto ævum sic properare tuum;
Fair maids go gather Roses in the prime, And think that as a flowre so goes on time.
Let’s all love, dum vires anniq; sinunt, whiles we are in the flower of yeers, fit for love matters, and while time serves: for
Soles occidere & redire possunt, Nobis cum semel occidit brevis lux, Nox est perpetuò una dormienda.
Suns that set may rise again, But if once we lose this light, ’Tis with us perpetual night.
Volat irrevocabile tempus, time past cannot be recal’d. But we need no such exhortation, we are all commonly too forward: yet if there be any escape, and all be not as it should, as Diogenes struck the father when the son swore, because he taught him no better, if a maid or yong man miscarry, I think their Parents oftentimes, Guardians, Overseers, Governours, neque vos (saith Chrysostome) à supplicio immunes evadetis, si non statim ad nuptias, &c. are in as much fault, and as severely to be punished as their children, in providing for them no sooner.
Now for such as have free liberty to bestow themselves, I could wish that good counsell of the Comicall old man were put in practice,
Opulentiores pauperiorum ut filias Indotatas ducant uxores domum: Et multò fiet civitas concordior, Et invidia nos minore utemur, quam utimur.
That rich men would marry poor maidens some, And that without dowry, and so bring them home; So would much concord be in our City, Less envy should we have, much more piety.
If they would care less for wealth, we should have much more content and quietness in a Common-wealth. Beauty, good bringing up, me thinks, is a sufficient portion of it self, —— Dos est sua forma puellis, and he doth well that will accept of such a wife.
Eubulides in Aristænetus married a poor mans child, facie non illætabili, of a merry countenance, and heavenly visage, in pitty of her estate, and that quickly.
Acontius comming to Delos, to sacrifice to Diana, fell in love with Cydippe a noble lass, and wanting means to get her love, flung a golden apple into her lap, with this inscription upon it,
Juro tibi sane per mystica sacra Dianæ, Me tibi venturum comitem, sponsumq; futurum.
I swear by all the rites of Diana, Ile come and be thy husband if I may.
She considered of it, and upon some small enquiry of his person and estate, was married unto him.
Blessed is the wooing, That is not long a doing,
As the saying is, when the parties are sufficiently known to each other, what needs such scrupulosity, so many circumstances? dost thou know her conditions, her bringing up, like her person? let her means be what they will, take her without any more ado.
Dido and Æneas were accidentally driven by a storm both into one cave, they made a match upon it; Masinissa was married to that fair captive Sophonisba King Scyphax wife, the same day that he saw her first, to prevent Scipio and Lælius, least they should determine otherwise of her.