In the mean time, quot torsit amantes? one suiter pines away, languisheth in love, mori quot denique cogit! another sighs and grieves, she cares not: and which Stroza objected to Ariadne,

Nec magis Euriali gemitu, lacrymisque moveris, Quam prece turbati flectitur ora sali. Tu juvenem, quo non formosior alter in urbe, Spernis, & insano cogis amore mori,

Is no more mov’d with those sad sighs and tears, Of her sweet-heart, then raging Sea with prayers: Thou scorn’st the fairest youth in all our City, And mak’st him almost mad for love to dye:

They take a pride to prank up themselves, to make yong men enamored, —— captare viros & spernere captos, to dote on them, and to run mad for their sakes,

—— sed nullis illa movetur Fletibus, aut voces ullas tractabilis audit,

Whilest niggardly their favours they discover, They love to be belov’d, yet scorn the Lover.

All suit and service is too little for them, presents too base:

Tormentis gaudet amantis —— & spoliis,

As Atalanta they must be over-run, or not wonn. Many yong men are as obstinate, and as curious in their choice, as tyrannically proud, insulting, deceitful, false-hearted, as irrefragable and peevish on the other side, Narcissus like,

Multi illum Juvenes, multæ petiere puellæ, Sed fuit in tenerâ tam dira superbia formâ, Nulli illum Juvenes, nullæ petiere puellæ.

Yong men and maids did to him sue, But in his youth so proud, so coy was he, Yong men and maids bad him adiew.

Echo wept and wooed him by all means above the rest, love me for pitty, or pitty me for love, but he was obstinate,

Ante ait emoriar quam sit tibi copia nostri,

he would rather dye then give consent. Psyche ran whining after Cupid,

Formosum tua te Psyche formosa requirit, Et poscit te dia deum, puerumque puella,

Fair Cupid, thy fair Psyche to thee sues, A lovely lass a fine yong gallant wooes;

but he rejected her nevertheless. Thus many Lovers do hold out so long, doting on themselves, stand in their own light, till in the end they come to be scorned and rejected, as Stroza’s Gargiliana was,

Te juvenes, te odere senes, desertaque langues, Quæ fueras procerum publica cura prius.

Both yong and old do hate thee scorned now, That once was all their joy and comfort too.

as Narcissus was himself,

—— Who despising many Died ere he could enjoy the love of any.

They begin to be contemned themselves of others, as he was of his shadow, and take up with a poor curat, or an old serving-man at last, that might have had their choice of right good matches in their youth, like that generous Mare in Plutarch, which would admit of none but great Horses, but when her tail was cut off and mane shorn close, and she now saw her self so deformed in the water, when she came to drink, ab asino conscendi se passa, she was contented at last to be covered by an Ass. Yet this is a common humor, will not be left, and cannot be helped.

Hanc volo quæ non vult, illam quæ vult ego nolo: Vincere vult animos, non satiare Venus.

I love a maid, she loves me not: full fain She would have me, but I not her again; So Love to crucifie mens souls is bent, But seldom doth it please or give content.

Their love danceth in a ring, and Cupid hunts them round about, he dotes, is doted on again,

Dumque petit petitur, pariterque accendit & ardet,

their affection cannot be reconciled. Oftentimes they may and will not, ’tis their own foolish proceedings that mars all, they are too distrustful of themselves, too soon dejected: say she be rich, thou poor: she yong, thou old; she lovely and fair, thou most illfavoured and deformed; she noble, thou base: she spruce and fine, but thou an ugly Clown: nil desperandum, there’s hope enough yet: Mopso Nisa datur, quid non speremus amantes?

Put thy self forward once more, as unlikely matches have been and are daily made, see what will be the event. Many leave roses and gather thistles, loath hony and love verjuice: our likings are as various as our palates. But commonly they omit opportunities, oscula qui sumpsit, &c. they neglect the usual means and times.

He that will not when he may, When he will he shall have nay.

They look to be wooed, sought after, and sued to. Most part they will and cannot, either for the above-named reasons, or for that there is a multitude of suiters equally enamored, doting all alike; and where one alone must speed, what shall become of the rest? Hero was beloved of many, but one did enjoy her; Penelope had a company of suiters, yet all missed of their aym.

In such cases he or they must wisely and warily unwind themselves, unsettle his affections by those rules above prescribed, —— quin stultos excutit ignes, divert his cogitations, or else bravely bear it out, as Turnus did, Tua sit Lavinia conjux, when he could not get her, with a kind of heroical scorn he bid Æneas take her, or with a milder farewell, let her go,

—— Et Phillida solus habeto, take her to you, God give you joy Sir. The Fox in the Emblem would eat no grapes, but why? because he could not get them; care not thou for that which may not be had.

Many such inconveniences, lets and hinderances there are, which cross their projects, and crucifie poor Lovers, which sometimes may, sometimes again cannot be so easily removed. But put case they be reconciled all, agreed hitherto, suppose this love or good liking be betwixt two alone, both parties well pleased, there is mutuus amor, mutual love and great affection: yet their Parents, Guardians, Tutors, cannot agree, thence all is dashed, the match is unequal: one rich, another poor:

durus pater, an hard-hearted, unnatural, a covetous father will not marry his son, except he have so much mony, ita in aurum omnes insaniunt, as Chrysostome notes, nor joyn his daughter in marriage, to save her dowry, or for that he cannot spare her for the service she doth him, and is resolved to part with nothing whilest he lives, not a penny, though he may peradventure well give it, he will not till he dies, and then as a pot of mony broke, it is divided amongst them that gaped after it so earnestly.

Or else he wants means to set her out, he hath no mony, and though it be to the manifest prejudice of her body and souls health, he cares not, he wil take no notice of it, she must and shall tarry.

Many slack and careless Parents, iniqui patres, measure their childrens affections by their own, they are now cold and decrepit themselves, past all such youthful conceits, and they will therefore starve their childrens Genius, have them à pueris illico nasci senes, they must not marry, nec earum affines esse rerum quas secum fert adolescentia: ex sua libidine moderatur quæ est nunc, non quæ olim fuit: as he said in the Comœdy: they will stifle nature, their yong bloods must not participate of youthful pleasures, but be as they are themselves old on a sudden.

And ’tis a general fault amongst most parents in bestowing of their children, the father wholly respects wealth, when through his own folly, riot, indiscretion, he hath embeazled his estate, to recover himself, he confines and prostitutes his eldest sons love and affection to some fool, or ancient, or deformed piece for mony,

Phanaretæ ducet filiam, rufam illam virginem, Cæsiam, sparso ore, adunco naso ——

and though his son utterly dislike, with Clitipho in the Comœdy, Non possum pater: If she be rich, Eia (he replies) at elegans est, credas animum ibi esse? he must and shall have her, she is fair enough, young enough; if he look or hope to inherit his lands, he shall marry, not when or whom he loves, Arconidis huius filiam, but whom his father commands, when and where he likes, his affection must dance attendance upon him.

His daughter is in the same predicament forsooth; as an empty boat she must carry what, where, when, and whom her Father will. So that in these businesses the father is still for the best advantage; Now the mother respects good kinred, most part the son a proper woman.

All which Livy exemplifies, dec. 1. lib. 4. a Gentleman and a Yeoman woo’d a wench in Rome (contrary to that statute that the gentry and commonalty must not match together) the matter was controverted: The Gentleman was preferred by the mothers voice, quæ quam splendidissimis nuptiis jungi puellam volebat: the overseers stood for him that was most worth, &c.

But parents ought not to be so strict in this behalfe, Beauty is a dowry of it self all-sufficient, Virgo formosa, etsi oppidò pauper, abunde dotata est, Rachel was so married by Jacob, and Bonaventure in 4. sent. denies that he so much as venially sins, that marries a maid for comeliness of person. The Jews, Deut. 21.11. if they saw amongst the captives a beautifull woman, some small circumstances observed, might take her to wife.