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SUBSECT. 5. The last and best cure of Love Melancholy, is, to let them have their desire.
The last refuge and surest remedy, to be put in practice in the utmost place, when no other means will take effect, is, to let them go together, and enjoy one another; potissima cura est ut heros amasia sua potiatur, saith Guianerius, cap. 15. tract. 15.
Æsculapius himself to this malady, cannot invent a better remedy, quam ut amanti cedat amatum, (Jason Pratensis) then that a Lover have his desire.
Et pariter torulo bini jungantur in uno, Et pulchro detur Æneæ Lavinia conjux.
And let them both be joyned in a bed, And let Æneas fair Lavinia wed.
’Tis the special cure, to let them bleed in vena Hymenæa, for love is a pluresie, and if it be possible, so let it be,
—— optataq; gaudia carpant.
Arculanus holds it the speediest and the best cure, ’tis Savanarolas last precept, a principal infallible remedy, the last, sole, and safest refuge.
Julia sola potes nostras extinguere flammas, Non nive, non glacie, sed potes igne pari.
Julian alone can quench my desire, With neither ice nor snow, but with like fire.
When you have all done, saith Avicenna, there is no speedier or safer course, then to joyne the parties together according to their desires & wishes, the custome and forme of law; and so we have seen him quickly restored to his former health, that was languished away to skin and bones; after his desire was satisfied, his discontent ceased, and we thought it strange; our opinion is therefore that in such cases Nature is to be obeyed.
Areteus an old Author lib. 3. cap. 3. hath an instance of a yong man, when no other means could prevail, was so speedily relieved. What remaines then but to joyn them in marriage?
Tunc & Basia morsiunculasq; Surreptim dare, mutuos fovere Amplexus licet, & licet jocari.
they may then kiss and coll, lye and look babies in one anothers eyes, as their Syres before them did, they may then satiate themselves with loves pleasures, which they have so long wished and expected;
Atq; uno simul in toro quiescant, Conjuncto simul ore suavientur, Et somnos agitent quiete in una.
Yea but hic labor, hoc opus, this cannot conveniently be done, by reason of many and severall impediments. Sometimes both parties themselves are not agreed: Parents, Tutors, Masters, Gardians, will not give consent; Laws, Customes, Statutes hinder: poverty, superstition, fear and suspition: many men dote on one woman, semel & simul: she dotes as much on him, or them, and in modesty must not, cannot woo, as unwilling to confess, as willing to love: she dare not make it known, shew her affection, or speak her minde.
And hard is the choice (as it is in Euphues) when one is compelled either by silence to dye with grief, or by speaking to live with shame. In this case almost was the fair Lady Elizabeth Edward the fourth his daughter, when she was enamoured on Henry the seventh, that noble yong Prince, and new saluted King, when she brake forth into that passionate speech,
O that I were worthy of that comely Prince! but my father being dead, I want friends to motion such a matter! What shall I say? I am all alone, and dare not open my mind to any. What if I acquaint my mother with it? bashfulness forbids. What if some of the Lords? audacity wants. O that I might but confer with him, perhaps in discourse I might let slip such a word that might discover mine intention!
How many modest maides may this concern, I am a poor servant, what shall I do? I am a fatherless child, and want means, I am blith and buxome, yong and lusty, but I have never a sutor. Exspectant stolidi ut ego illos rogatum veniam, as she said, a company of silly fellows, look belike that I should woo them and speak first: fain they would and cannot woo,
being meerly passive they may not make sute, with many such lets and inconveniences, which I know not; what shall we do in such a case? sing Fortune my Foe? ——
Some are so curious in this behalf, as those old Romans, our modern Venetians, Dutch and French, that if two parties dearly love, the one noble, the other ignoble, they may not by their Laws match, though equal otherwise in years, fortunes, education, and all good affection. In Germany except they can prove their gentility by three descents, they scorn to match with them.
A noble man must marry a noble woman: a Baron, a Barons daughter; a Knight, a Knights: a Gentleman, a Gentlemans: as slaters sort their slattes, do they degrees and families. If she be never so rich, fair, well-qualified otherwise, they will make him forsake her. The Spaniards abhor all widows; the Turks repute them old women, if past five and twenty. But these are too severe Laws, and strict Customs, dandum aliquid amori, we are all the sons of Adam, ’tis opposite to Nature, it ought not to be so.
Again he loves her most impotently, she loves not him, and so è contra. Pan loved Echo, Echo Satyrus, Satyrus Lyda.
Quantum ipsorum aliquis amantem oderat, Tantum ipsius amans odiosus erat.
They love and loath of all sorts, he loves her, she hates him; and is loathed of him, on whom she dotes. Cupid hath two darts, one to force love, all of gold, and that sharp, —— Quod facit auratum est; another blunt, of Lead, and that to hinder; —— fugat hoc, facit illud amorem.
This we see too often verified in our common experience. Choresus dearly loved that Virgin Callyrrhoe, but the more he loved her, the more she hated him. Oenone loved Paris, but he rejected her; they are stiffe of all sides, as if beauty were therefore created to undo, or be undone.
I give her all attendance, all observance, I pray and intreat, Alma precor miserere mei, fair mistris pitty me, I spend my self, my time, friends and fortunes to win her favour, (as he complains in the Eglogue,) I lament, sigh, weep, and make my moan to her, but she is hard as flint,
—— cautibus Ismariis immotior ——
as fair and hard as a diamond, she will not respect, —— Despectus tibi sum, or hear me,
—— fugit illa vocantem Nil lachrymas miserata meas, nil flexa querelis.
What shall I do?
I wooed her as a young man should do, But Sir she said I love not you.
Durior at scopulis mea Cælia, marmore, ferro, Robore, rupe, antro, cornu, adamante, gelu.
Rock, Marble, heart of Oak with iron bar’d, Frost, flint or adamants are not so hard.
I give, I bribe, I send presents, but they are refused.
Rusticus est Coridon, nec munera curat Alexis.
I protest, I swear, I weep, —— odioq; rependit amores, Irrisit lachrymas —— she neglects me for all this, she derides me, contemns me, she hates me: Phillida flouts me: Caute, feris, quercu durior Euridice, stiffe, churlish, rocky still.
And tis most true, many Gentlewomen are so nice, they scorn all suiters, crucifie their poor Paramours, and think no body good enough for them, as dainty to please as Daphne her self,
Multi illam petiere, illa aspernata petentes, Nec quid Hymen, quid amor, quid sint connubia curat.
Many did woo her, but she scorn’d them still, And said she would not marry by her will.
One while they will not marry, as they say at least, (when as they intend nothing less) another while not yet, when ’tis their only desire, they rave upon it. She will marry at last, but not him: he is a proper man indeed, and well qualified, but he wants means: another of her suiters hath good means, but he wants wit; one is too old, another too yong, too deformed, she likes not his carriage: a third too loosely given, he is rich, but base born:
she will be a Gentlewoman, a Lady, as her sister is, as her mother is: she is all out as fair, as well brought up, hath as good a portion, and she looks for as good a match, as Matilda or Dorinda: if not, she is resolved as yet to tarry, so apt are yong maids to bogle at every object, so soon woon or lost with every toy, so quickly diverted, so hard to be pleased.