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if wise and learned, well qualified, there is as much danger on the other side, mulierem doctam ducere periculosissimum, saith Nevisanus, she will be too insolent and peevish,
Malo Venusinam quam te Cornelia mater.
Take heed; if she be a slut, thou wilt loath her; if proud shee’l beggar thee, shee’l spend thy patrimony in bables, all Arabia will not serve to perfume her haire, saith Lucian: if fair and wanton, shee’l make thee a Cornuto; if deformed, she will paint.
If her face be filthy by nature, she will mend it by art, alienis & adscititiis imposturis, which who can indure? If she do not paint she will look so filthy, thou canst not love her, and that peradventure will make thee unhonest. Cromerus lib. 12. hist. relates of Casimirus, that he was unchast, because his wife Aleida the daughter of Henry Landgrave of Hessia, was so deformed.
If she be poor, she brings beggery with her (saith Nevisanus) misery and discontent. If you marry a maid, it is uncertain how she proves,
Hæc forsan veniet non satis apta tibi:
If yong, she is likely wanton and untaught; if lusty, too lascivious; and if she be not satisfied, you know where and when, nil nisi jurgia, all is in an uprore, and there is little quietness to be had: if an old maid, ’tis an hazard she dies in childbed: if a rich widdow, induces te in laqueum, thou dost halter thy self, she will make all away before hand, to her other children, &c.
—— dominam quis possit ferre tonantem?
she will hit thee still in the teeth with her first husband: if a yong widdow, she is often unsatiable and immodest. If she be rich, well descended, bring a great dowry, or be nobly allied, thy wives friends will eat thee out of house and home, dives ruinam ædibus inducit, she will be so proud, so high-minded, so imperious. For
—— nihil est magis intolerabile dite,
there’s nothing so intolerable, thou shalt be as the Tassell of a gosse-hauke, she will ride upon thee, domineer as she list, wear the breeches in her oligarchicall government; and beggar thee besides.
Uxores divites servitutem exigunt; (as Seneca hits them declam. lib. 2. declam. 6.) Dotem accepi, imperium perdidi. They will have soveraigncy, pro conjuge dominam arcessis, they will have attendance, they will do what they list. In taking a dowry thou loosest thy liberty, dos intrat, libertas exit, hazardest thine estate.
Hæ sunt atq; aliæ multæ in magnis dotibus Incommoditates, sumptusq; intolerabiles, &c.
with many such inconveniences: say the best she is a commanding servant; thou hadst better have taken a good huswife maid in her smock. Since then there is such hazard, if thou be wise, keep thy self as thou art, ’tis good to match, much better to be free.
—— procreare liberos lepidissimum, Hercle verò liberum esse, id multo est lepidius.
art thou yong? then match not yet; if old, match not at all.
Vis juvenis nubere? nondum venit tempus. Ingravescente ætate jam tempus præteriit.
And therefore with that Philosopher, still make answer to thy friends that importune thee to marry, adhuc intempestivum, ’tis yet unseasonable, and ever will be.
Consider withall how free, how happy, how secure, how heavenly, in respect, a single man is, as he said in the Comœdie, Et isti quod fortunatum esse autumant, uxorem nunquam habui, and that which all my neighbours admire and applaud me for, account so great an happiness, I never had a wife;
consider how contentedly, quietly, neatly, plentifully, sweetly and how merrily he lives! he hath no man to care for but himself, none to please, no charge, none to controle him, is tied to no residence, no cure to serve, may go and come, when, whither, live where he will, his own master, and do what he list himself.
Consider the excellency of Virgins, Virgo cœlum meruit, marriage replenish the earth, but virginity Paradise; Elias, Eliseus, John Baptist were Batchelors: Virginity is a pretious jewell, a fair garland, a never fading flower; for why was Daphne turned to a green bay tree, but to shew that virginity is immortall?
Ut flos in septis secretus nascitur hortis, Ignotus pecori, nullo contusus aratro, Quam mulcent auræ, firmat Sol, educat imber, &c. Sic virgo dum intacta manet, dum chara suis, sed Cum Castum amisit, &c. ——
Virginity is a fine picture, as Bonaventure calls it, a blessed thing in it self, and if you will believe a Papist, meritorious.
And although there be some inconveniences, irksomness, solitariness, &c. incident to such persons, want of those comforts, quæ ægro assideat, & curet ægrotum, fomentum paret, roget medicum, &c. embracing, dalliance, kissing, colling, &c. those furious motives and wanton pleasures a new married wife most part enjoyes; yet they are but toyes in respect, easily to be endured, if conferred to those frequent incumbrances of marriage;
Solitariness may be otherwise avoided with mirth, musick, good company, business, imployment; in a word, Gaudebit minus, & minus dolebit; for their good nights, he shall have good daies.
And me thinks sometime or other amongst so many rich Bachelors, a benefactor should be found to build a monasticall College for old, decayed, deformed, or discontented maides to live together in, that have lost their first loves, or otherwise miscarried, or else are willing howsoever to lead a single life.
The rest I say are toyes in respect, and sufficiently recompenced by those innumerable contents and incomparable priviledges of Virginity. Think of these things, confer both lives, and consider last of al these commodious prerogatives a Bachelor hath, how well he is esteemed, how heartily welcome to all his friends, quam mentitis obsequiis, as Tertullian observes, with what counterfeit curtesies they will adore him, follow him, present him with gifts, hamatis donis:
it cannot be believed, (saith Ammianus) with what humble service he shall be worshipped, how loved and respected: If he want children (and have means) he shall be often invited, attended on by Princes, and have advocates to plead his cause for nothing, as Plutarch addes. Wilt thou then be reverenced, and had in estimation?
—— * dominus tamen & domini rex Si tu vis fieri, nullus tibi parvulus aula Luserit Æneas, nec filia dulcior illa? Iucundum & charum sterilis facit uxor Amicum.
Live a single man, marry not, and thou shalt soon percieve how those Hæredipetæ (for so they were called of old) will seek after thee, bribe and flatter thee for thy favour, to be thine heire or executor: Aruntius and Aterius, those famous parasites in this kinde, as Tacitus and Seneca have recorded, shall not go beyond them.
Periplectomines that good personat old man, delitium senis, well understood this in Plautus; for when Pleusides exhorted him to marry that he might have children of his own, he readily replied in this sort,
Quando habeo multos cognatos, quid opus mihi sit liberis? Nunc benè vivo & fortunatè, atq; animo ut lubet. Mea bona mea morte cognatis dicam interpartiant. Illi apud me edunt, me curant, visunt quid agam, ecquid velim, Qui mihi mittunt munera, ad prandium, ad cœnam vocant,
Whilest I have kin, what need I brats to have? Now I live well, and as I will, most brave. And when I dye, my goods Ile give away, To them that do invite me every day, That visite me, and send me pretty toyes, And strive who shall do me most curtesies.
This respect thou shalt have in like manner, living as he did, a single man. But if thou marry once, cogitato in omni vita te servum fore, bethink thy self what a slavery it is, what an heavy burthen thou shalt undertake, how hard a task thou art tied to; for as Hierome hath it, qui uxorem habet, debitor est, & uxoris servus alligatus,
and how continuate, what squalor attends it, what irksomeness, what charges; for wife and children are a perpetual bill of charges; besides a Myriade of cares, miseries, and troubles, for as that Comical Plautus merrily and truly said, He that wants trouble, must get to be master of a ship, or marry a wife; and as another seconds him, wife and children have undone me; so many and such infinite incumbrances accompany this kinde of life.
Furthermore, uxor intumuit, &c. or as he said in the Comœdy,