Lumina sint Melitæ Junonia, dextra Minervæ, Mamillæ Veneris, sura maris dominæ, &c.

Let her head be from Prage, paps out of Austria, belly from France, back from Brabant, hands out of England, feet from Rhine, buttocks from Switzerland, let her have the Spanish gate, the Venetian tyre, Italian complement and endowments;

Candida sydereis ardescant lumina flammis, Sudent colla rosas, & cedat crinibus aurum, Mellea purpuream depromant ora ruborem; Fulgeat, ac Venerem cœlesti corpore vincat, Forma dearum omnis, &c.

Let her be such a one throughout, as Lucian deciphers in his Imagines, as Euphanor of old painted Venus, Aristænætus describes Lais, another Helena, Chariclia, Leucippe, Lucretia, Pandora; let her have a box of beauty to repair her self still, such a one as Venus gave Phaon, when he carried her over the Ford; let her use all helps art and nature can yeeld; be like her, and her, and whom thou wilt, or all these in one;

A little sickness, a Feaver, small pox, wound, scarre, loss of an eye, or limb, a violent passion, a distemperature of heat or cold, marres all in an instant, disfigures all; child-bearing, old age, that tyrant time will turn Venus to Erynnis; raging time, care, rivels her upon a sudden; after she hath been married a small while, and the black oxe hath trodden on her toe, she will be so much altered, and wax out of favour, thou wilt not know her.

One growes too fat, another too lean, &c. modest Matilda, pretty pleasing Peg, sweet singing Susan, mincing merry Moll, dainty dancing Doll, neat Nancy, Jolly Jone, nimble Nel, kissing Kate, bouncing Besse with black eyes, fair Phillis with fine white hands, fidling Franck, tall Tib, slender Sib, &c. will quickly loose their grace, grow fulsome, stale, sad, heavy, dull, sour, and all at last out of fashion. Ubi jam vultus argutia, suavis suaviatio, blandus risus, &c.

Those fair sparkling eyes will look dull, her soft corall lips will be pale, dry, cold, rough, and blew, her skin rugged, that soft and tender superficies will be hard and harsh, her whole complexion change in a moment, and as Matilda writ to King John.

I am not now as when thou saw’st me last, That favour soon is vanished and past; That Rosie blush lapt in a Lilly vale, Now is with morphew overgrown and pale.

’Tis so in the rest, their beautie fades as a tree in winter, which Deianira hath elegantly expressed in the Poet,

Deforme solis aspicis truncis nemus? Sic nostra longum forma percurrens iter, Deperdit aliquid semper, & fulget minus, Malisq; minus est quicquid in nobis fuit, Olim petitum cecidit, & partu labat, Materq; multum rapuit ex illa mihi, Ætas citato senior eripuit gradu.

And as a tree that in the green wood growes, With fruit and leaves, and in the Summer blowes, In winter like a stock deformed showes: Our beauty takes his race and journey goes, And doth decrease, and loose, and come to nought; Admir’d of old, to this by child-birth brought: And mother hath bereft me of my grace, And crooked old age coming on apace.

To conclude with Chrysostome, When thou seest a fair and beautifull person, a brave Bonaroba, a bella Donna, quæ salivam moveat, lepidam puellam & quam tu facile ames, a comely woman, having bright eyes, a merry countenance, a shining lustre in her look, a pleasant grace, wringing thy soul, and increasing thy concupiscence; bethink with thy self that it is but earth thou lovest, a meer excrement, which so vexeth thee, which thou so admirest, and thy raging soul will be at rest. Take her skin from her face, and thou shalt see all loathsomness under it, that beauty is a superficiall skin and bones, nerves, sinewes: suppose her sick, now rivel’d, hoarie-headed, hollow cheeked, old; within she is full of filthy fleame, stinking, putride, excrementall stuffe: snot and snevill in her nostrills, spettle in her mouth, water in her eyes, what filth in her brains, &c.

Or take her at best, and look narrowly upon her in the light, stand nearer her, nearer yet, thou shalt perceive almost as much, and love less, as Cardan well writes, minus amant qui acutè vident, though Scaliger deride him for it:

If he see her near, or look exactly at such a posture, whosoever he is, according to the true rules of symmetry and proportion, those I mean of Albertus Durer, Lomatius and Tasnier, examine him of her. If he be elegans formarum spectator, he shall finde many faults in Physiognomy, and ill colour; if form, one side of the face likely bigger then the other, or crooked nose, bad eies, prominent veines, concavities about the eyes, wrinkles, pimples, redde streeks, frechons, hairs, warts, neves, inequalities, roughness, scabredity, paleness, yellowness, and as many colours as are in a Turkicocks neck, many indecorums in their other parts; est quod desideres, est quod amputes, one leires, another frownes, a third gapes, squints, &c.

And ’tis true that he saith, Diligenter consideranti raro facies absoluta, & quæ vitio caret, seldom shall you finde an absolute face without fault, as I have often observed; not in the face alone is this defect or disproportion to be found; but in all the other parts of body and minde; she is fair indeed, but foolish; pretty, comely and decent, of a majesticall presence, but peradventure imperious, unhonest, acerba, iniqua, selfwil’d: she is rich, but deformed; hath a sweet face, but bad carriage, no bringing up, a rude and wanton flirt; a neat body she hath, but it is a nasty queane otherwise, a very slut, of a bad kinde.

As flowres in a garden have colour some, but no smell, others have a fragrant smell, but are unseemly to the eye; one is unsavory to the taste as rue, as bitter as wormwood, and yet a most medicinall cordiall flowre, most acceptable to the stomack; so are men and women; one is well qualified, but of ill proportion, poor and base: a good eye she hath, but a bad hand and foot, fœda pedes & fœda manus; a fine leg, bad teeth, a vast body, &c.

Examine all parts of body and minde, I advise thee to enquire of all. See her angry, merry, laugh, weep, hot, cold, sick, sullen, dressed, undressed, in all attires, sites, gestures, passions, at her meales, &c. and in some of these you will surely dislike.

Yea not her onely let him observe, but her parents how they carry themselves: for what deformities, defects, incumbrances of body or minde be in them at such an age, they will likely be subject to, be molested in like manner, they will patrizare or matrizare. And with all let him take notice of her companions, in convictu, (as Quiverra prescribes) & quibuscum conversetur, whom she converseth with.

Noscitur ex Comite, qui non cognoscitur ex se.

According to Thucidides, she is commonly the best, de quo minimus foras habetur sermo, that is least talked of abroad. For if she be a noted reveller, a gadder, a singer, a pranker or dancer, then take heed of her. For what saith Theocritus?

At vos festivæ ne ne saltate puellæ, En malus hircus adest in vos saltare paratus.

Young men will do it when they come to it,

Fawnes and Satyres will certainly play wreeks, when they come in such wanton Baccho’s Elenora’s presence. Now when they shall perceive any such obliquity, indecency, disproportion, deformity, bad conditions &c. let them still ruminate on that, and as Hædus adviseth out of Ovid, earum mendas notent, note their faults, vices, errours, and think of their imperfections; ’tis the next way to divert and mitigate Loves furious head-strong passions; as a Peacocks feet, and filthy comb, they say, make him forget his fine feathers, and pride of his tail;

she is lovely, fair, well-favoured, well qualified, courteous and kinde, But if she be not so to me, what care I how kinde she be. I say with Philostratus, formosa aliis, mihi superba, she is a tyrant to me, and so let her go.

Besides these outward næves or open faults, errors, there be many inward infirmities, secret, some private, (which I will omit) and some more common to the sexe, sullen fits, evil qualities, filthy diseases, in this case fit to be considered;

Consideratio fæditatis mulierum, menstruæ imprimis, quam immundæ sunt, quam Savanarola proponit regula septima penitus observandam; & Platina dial. amoris fusè perstringit. Lodovicus Bonacialus mulieb. lib. 2. cap. 2. Pet. Hædus. Albertus, & infiniti fere medici.