SUBSECT. 4. Scoffs, Calumnies, bitter Jests, how they cause melancholy.

It is an old saying, A blow with a word strikes deeper then a blow with a sword: & many men are as much gauled with a calumny, a scurril and bitter jest, a libel, a pasquil, Satyre, Apologe, Epigram, Stage-playes, or the like, as with any mis-fortune, whatsoever.

Princes & Potentates, that are otherwise happy, and have all at command, secure & free, quibus potentia sceleris impunitatem fecit, are grievously vexed with these pasquelling libels, and Satyrs: they fear a rayling Aretine, more then an enemy in the field, which made most Princes of his time (as some relate) allow him a liberal pension, that he should not taxe them in his Satyres.

The Gods had their Momus, Homer his Zoilus, Achilles his Thirsites, Philip his Demades: The Cæsars themselves in Rome were commonly taunted. There was never wanting a Petronius, a Lucian in those times, nor will be a Rablais, an Euphormio, a Boccalinus in ours.

Adrian the sixth Pope, was so highly offended, and grievously vexed with Pasquillers at Rome, he gave command that statue should be demolished and burned, the ashes flung into the river Tiber, and had done it forthwith, had not Lodovicus Suessanus, a facete companion, disswaded him to the contrary, by telling him, that Pasquils ashes would turn to frogs in the bottome of the river, and croak worse and lowder then before.

—genus irritabile vatum, and therefore Socrates in Plato adviseth all his friends, that respect their credits, to stand in awe of Poets, for they are terrible fellows, can praise and dispraise as they see cause. Hinc quam sit calamus sævior ense patet.

The Prophet David complains, Psal. 123. 4. that his soul was full of the mocking of the wealthy, and of the despitefulnesse of the proud, and Psal. 55. 4. for the voice of the wicked, &c. and their hate; his heart trembled within him, and the terrors of death came upon him: Fear and horrible fear, &c. and Psal. 69. 20. Rebuke hath broken my heart, and I am full of heavinesse.

Who hath not like cause to complain, and is not so troubled, that shall fall into the mouths of such men? for many are of so petulant a spleen, and have that figure Sarcasmus so often in their mouths, so bitter, so foolish, as Baltasar Castilio notes of them, that they cannot speak but they must bite; they had rather lose a friend then a jest; and what company soever they come in, they will be scoffing, insulting over their inferiours, especially over such as any way depend upon them, humoring, misusing, or putting gulleries on some or other, till they have made by their humoring or gulling ex stulto insanum: a mope or a noddy, and all to make themselves merry:

—dummodo risum Excutiat sibi, non hic cuiquam parcit amico,

Friends, neuters, enemies, all are as one, to make a fool a mad-man, is their sport, & they have no greater felicity then to scoff and deride others; they must sacrifice to the god of laughter, with them in Apuleius, once a day, or else they shall be melancholy themselves; they care not how they grinde & misuse others, so they may exhilarate their own persons.

Their wits indeed serve them to that sole purpose, to make sport, to break a scurrile jest, which is levissimus ingenii fructus, the froth of wit, as Tully holds, & for this they are often applauded, in all other discourse, dry, barren, straminious, dull and heavy, here lies their Genius, in this they alone excel, please themselves and others.

Leo Decimus, that scoffing Pope, as Iovius hath registred in the 4. book of his life, took an extraordinary delight in humoring of silly fellows, and to put gulleries upon them, by commending some, perswading others to this or that; he made ex stolidis stultissimos, & maxime ridiculos, ex stultis insanos; soft fellows, stark noddies, and such as were foolish, quite mad before he left them.

One memorable example he recites there, of Tarascomus of Parma a Musician that was so humored by Leo Decimus, and Bibiena his second in this business, that he thought himself to be a man of most excellent skill, (who was indeed a ninnie) they made him set foolish songs, and invent new ridiculous precepts, which they did highly commend, as to tye his arme that played on the Lute, to make him strike a sweeter stroke, and to pull down the Arras hangings, because the voice would be clearer, by reason of the reverberation of the wall.

In the like manner they perswaded one Baraballius of Caieta, that he was as good a Poet as Petrarch; would have him to be made a Laureat Poet, and invite all his friends to his instalment; and had so possessed the poor man with a conceipt of his excellent Poetry, that when some of his more discreet friends told him of his folly, he was very angry with them, and said they envied his honor and prosperity: It was strange (saith Iovius) to see an old man of 60. yeers, a venerable and grave old man, so gulled.

But what cannot such scoffers do, especially if they finde a soft creature, on whom they may work? nay to say truth, who is so wise, or so discreet, that may not be humored in this kinde, especially if some excellent wits shall set upon him; he that mads others, if he were so humored, would be as mad himself, as much grieved and tormented; he might cry with him in the Comedy, Proh Iupiter, tu homo me adigas ad insaniam.

For all is in these things as they are taken; if he be a silly soul, and do not perceive it, ’tis well, he may happily make others sport, and be no whit troubled himself; but if he be apprehensive of his folly, and take it to heart, then it torments him worse then any lash: a bitter jest, a slander, a calumny, pierceth deeper then any losse, danger, bodily pain, or injury whatsoever; leviter enim volat, as Bernard of an arrow, sed graviter vulnerat, especially if it shall proceed from a virulent tongue, it cuts (saith David) like a two edged sword. They shoot bitter words as arrows, Psal. 64. 3. And they smote with their tongues, Jer. 18. 18. and that so hard, that they leave an incurable wound behinde them.

Many men are undone by this means, moped, & so dejected, that they are never to be recovered; and of all other men living, those which are actually melancholy, or inclined to it, are most sensible (as being suspitious, cholerick, apt to mistake, and impatient of an injury in that kinde: they aggravate, and so meditate continually of it, that it is a perpetual corrosive, not to be removed, till time wear it out.

Although they peradventure that so scoffe, do it alone in mirth and merriment, and hold it optimum alienâ frui insaniâ, an excellent thing to enjoy another mans madnesse; yet they must know, that it is a mortal sin (as Thomas holds) and as the Prophet David denounceth, they that use it, shall never dwell in Gods tabernacle.

Such scurrile jests, flouts, & sarcasmes therefore, ought not at all to be used; especially to our betters, to those that are in misery, or any way distressed: for to such, ærumnarum incrementa sunt, they multiply grief, and as he perceived, In multis pudor, in multis iracundia, &c. many are ashamed, many vexed, angred, and there is no greater cause or furtherer of melancholy.

Martin Cromerus in the 6. book of his history, hath a pretty story to this purpose, of Vladislaus the second king of Poland, and Peter Dunninus, Earle of Shrine; they had been hunting late, & were enforced to lodge in a poor Cottage. When they went to bed, Vladislaus told the Earle in jest, that his wife lay softer with the Abbot of Shrine; he not able to contain, replied, Et tua cum Dabesso, and yours with Dabessus; a gallant young Gentleman in the Court, whom Christina the Queen loved. Tetigit id dictum Principis animum, these words of his so galled the Prince, that he was long after tristis & cogitabundus, very sad & melancholy for many months: but they were the Earles utter undoing: for when Christina heard of it, she persecuted him to death.

Sophia the Empresse, Justinians wife, broke a bitter jest upon Narsetes the Eunuch, a famous Captain then disquieted for an overthrow which he lately had: that he was fitter for a distaffe and to keep women company, then to wield a sword, or to be General of an army: but it cost her dear, for he so far distasted it, that he went forthwith to the adverse part, much troubled in his thoughts, caused the Lumbards to rebell, and thence procured many miseries to the Common-wealth.

Tiberius the Emperor with-held a Legacy from the people of Rome, which his Predecessor Augustus had lately given, and perceiving a fellow round a dead corse in the eare, would needs know wherefore he did so; the fellow replied, that he wished the departed Soul to signifie to Augustus, the commons of Rome were yet unpaid; for this bitter jest the Emperor caused him forthwith to be slaine, and carry the news himselfe.